I know I’ve been dealt some really crap cards in my life, but this time it seems things are making their way back to the top again. I am so lucky to have someone as strong, loving, and supportive as Cody to help me through everything. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel as though every bad thing that happens is my fault, even if everyone – including myself – knows it wasn’t. This post isn’t so much about me this time around, but it’s definitely for people like me, and in situations far worse than mine. (As far as relationships go.)
I used to be in a relationship with this guy, (we’ll call him Joe) and everything had to be on his clock. For example, I was off work for a couple of days, and thought a night on the town would be fun, but he informed me that he already had plans with his friends.
Joe proposed, told me I was the world, but Joe couldn’t make time to see me after he’d been in another country for two months? But, of course, that was my bad. I was so inconsiderate that I didn’t even think about how badly he wanted to see his two ex-girlfriends and childhood best friend for the millionth time since he’d come back – nevermind that I hadn’t even gotten to talk to him on the phone since I was so busy working double shifts every day as a waitress so that I would have the money to take him on a lovely date. Nope. It was my fault – even though he never said it, I knew it just had to be.
Well, Joe and I break up when I meet this new guy after moving to a new town (we’ll call him Tom, even though I’d rather call him something far less lady-like), and he and I stay together for three solid years with very few issues. The problem is, I didn’t realize that no problems meant big problems.
We had a slip-up and I found myself falling down the pregnant rabbit hole, and suddenly there were a lot of problems. Once again, everything was fine… As long as it was his way. He made me feel like it was all my fault and tried to pressure me into an abortion. Well, my body took care of that on it’s own, thanks to the stress, and he and I went our merry ways.
Until I met Cody, I didn’t realize how many men I had chosen that were so emotionally abusive, and just how much those people had an affect on me even after they were gone from my life. On our first date, Cody was the one to point out that I never looked a man in the eyes, and I never looked directly at them when I spoke to them. This was a huge shock! I never realized that I did that, I mean, I was a stripper! I talked to men all the time! But no, I guess I really didn’t.
I always prided myself on the fact that I had never been in an abusive relationship, and I would never put up with any man laying his hands on me (or mine on him, for that matter – I’m tougher than I look); but I didn’t have to let a man put his hands on me. Even worse, I let them get inside my head.
I am seven weeks pregnant today, and I couldn’t feel stronger – I wouldn’t be this strong without help, and I know Cody will make an amazing father one day.
Ladies and gentlemen alike, if you feel like you are the wrong one all the time, look at your partner’s actions – if they don’t ring 100% true, get outta there, because it’s not worth it, and never will be. Don’t let anyone bring you down for any reason!
Thank you all for reading, and I hope this touches at least one of you,